Tom is a con artist! Now She has joined in too!
About 97 sleeps ago Tom tied up this Jericho outside. He was relieved to tie this outside up as the Thames outside was all red and very very hard to catch. Since then he has moved the outside several times, sometimes forwards and sometimes backwards and sometimes backwards then forwards and sometimes forwards then backwards.
The first time he did this I got very excited. You see I get bored of an outside if we are there for too long. He filled Oleanna both front and back, got some more coal to keep me nice and warm and then he tied the outside up. I was chomping at the bit to explore the new outside, so rushed to the door to see what Tom had caught. There were new trees to climb, but the outside was still very narrow, he could have found a wider one!
I set off exploring and after a while headed back to Oleanna. I always follow my nose on such occasions so as not to get lost, new outsides can get a touch confusing but I’m used to it. I popped my head out between the bicycles and woofers to find that there was no Oleanna! What had happened?! Puzzled I checked my route, everything pointed to Oleanna, but she just wasn’t there.
What to do? I waited, and waited some more. Eventually Tom appeared, he said that Oleanna was in a different outside, how dare he move it with me inside it! But Tom swore that I had made a mistake and come to the wrong outside. There was still no boat where it should have been so I decided to see if he was right.
Four boats away! Somehow he’d swapped the outside.
Another time he busied himself. He tied up a lock, but it didn’t go up or down, we just sat there, for ages! He then tied us up again. Excited to head out to explore I dashed to the door and shouted to be let out. Within a matter of seconds I realised that this was the outside I’d been in the other day without Oleanna!
If he thinks he can just keep nudging the outside to keep me happy, conning me that it’s been moved!
She’s been home a couple of times from her Chippy outside. She’d stay for a couple of human sleeps and then go again, leaving me with Con Tom. But the other day She came home saying that she was back now. About time too, now we could get moving things properly!
They pushed one side of outside to the other side. They swapped a big red bottle and got more coal, we’d need more now that She was home. She then played ball with a woofer right in front of my window, have to say it did a good job of catching the big ball. Then they pushed the outside away, brilliant! We were on our way again.
Backwards, why backwards! The outside was tied up. Hang on! It was the other outside four boats away. Even though She was there it was still the same narrow busy towpath with nowhere new to explore. I’ve exhausted this Jericho, but they don’t seem to care.
Tom rang C&RT to ask if we could keep this outside for a bit longer. Apparently a nice lady said yes, YES!!!! This She is not nice and is not concerned with my welfare in the slightest. This She is meant to send us on our way to new outsides and be angry with us for not moving enough.
Now my crew are wearing out. Tom says he stepped too much when there wasn’t a step in Liverpool and now has a bad back. Today She insisted on carrying the shopping home and when they got close to the boat her leg went ping! She now hobbles around and would rather sit down. She’s also got a funny thing that she sticks up her nose to stop a ‘post panto cold’ or something.
So I am officially now looking for new crew. Ones who can move the outside every couple of days. Ones who can find wide outsides and keep the boat warm inside whilst I explore. Ones who can lift bags of coal. Ones who can walk properly. Ones that don’t squirt things up their nose. Ones who replenish the Dreamies stock. Ones that are not cripples. If you are interested please contact me via this blog.
Yours hopefully, Tilly.