So, over the last few months, I’ve been wondering if I should come clean about something. Would anyone notice? Would anyone care? I have felt guilty about this, I have felt stupid to have done this. So now is the time to confess and get this off my chest.

Last year I smashed Oleanna’s smile!

There I’ve said it, it’s out in the open.

It was on the Huddersfield Narrow Canal and we’d been warned about the pipe bridge just below Lock 42E. C&RT had suggested opening a paddle at Lock 41E to drop the level to make it easier to get under the pipebridge after emptying the lock above. Was it that we’d just said hello to Pete from Mikron? Was it that it was a damp day? Was it that we were pleased to see Paul who’d come to assist us down to Slaithwaite? Or was it that we just thought we were invincible? What ever it was we should have listened and taken action accordingly.

We dropped down Lock 42E and I popped Oleanna into gear to bring her out of the lock. I looked ahead to the pipe bridge, it looked tight, but we should manage it. Mick and Paul chatted, one about to walk on ahead to set the next lock, the other loitering to close the gates behind me.

Forwards she came out from the lock. Maybe it was going to be just a touch too tight? I popped her into reverse. I SLAMMED her into reverse, just when it was too late!

Oleanna’s pair of horns that have seen seven/eight good years of service, been dropped from there support to go through low tunnels and limbo under low bridges, that smile that has shone back at us when at the helm, pleased to be on the move, were now crumpled like Quality Street wrappers as they’d hit the seam of the pipe bridge! She couldn’t even winking back at me!!

Paul went ahead to drop the pound. We waited, then Mick stood on the gunnel to help get us under and away from the protrudance. I was mortified at what I’d done. I loved her smile.

Paul said that no-one would ever know if I kept quiet about it. Oleanna certainly would stay quiet about it as now she had no voice along with no smile. Thankfully we didn’t have too far to go to get back to Goole, although turning out onto river sections it would have been nice to give the horn a blast, instead we did our best to shout BEEEEP! as Oleanna’s bow peeked out from the locks.

The bracket the horns were attached to was in desperate need of de-rusting, I’m not sure it was ever prepared properly, it may just have had a coat of blue paint sprayed on it when she was built, certainly no prime or undercoat is visible under the bubbling blue paint. The plan had been to bring the bracket back to the house anyway to be sorted this winter, now the need was even greater.

We deliberated on whether to get the same two identical horns, or should we get two with different tones? Many people think Oleanna had a two tone beep, they’ve asked us to beep them and then have been disappointed when the two horns just make the same tone. The horns are 12volt and we had to have two as she is a 24volt boat. What had to be the same, identical even, was Oleanna’s smile. She would have to smile back at us as she’s done for eight years, that was none negotiable.

One of the first jobs we did on returning to the house was find new horns. Mick ordered them and they arrived quickly, one shorter than the other. This was also an opportunity to replace the mightily rusted head lamp too. This has been rusty since Oleanna was about a year old. I’ve had a go at it a couple of times, but the chrome really wasn’t up to much, so I just gave up with it.

Cables were cut and the bracket was removed from the cratch. Next job was to remove the brackets that had supported her smile for so long. We knew this wouldn’t be an easy job as we’d tried to remove them before going through Froghall Tunnel. Penetrating oil was sprayed onto the screws and left to soak, several times.

Mick spent an afternoon trying to undo the hex screws that held everything together. All but four came out. These four were seriously going to stay put. Mick tried drilling one of them out breaking four drill bits in the process. More penetrating oil was added. Would an angle grinder be of use? Maybe, but would that only take the tops off the screws and leave the rest rusted in the bracket?

Time to call in the man, the one man I knew who would be able to undo them. Frank! Always at the SJT if there was a screw with a mashed up head you’d call Frank in to help. There were boxes of Frank screws in the workshop, he was the only one with the perseverance and magnetism to shift these screws.

Frank arrived with an angle grinder and a different approach to ours. The hex heads were now nicely rounded so no chance of any grip from them. The grinder was put to work flattening off two sides of the heads, something to get a grip on with mole grips. The grips were tightened, Frank tried to turn them. No chance. Then by adding first a hammer which was soon replaced by a long allen key he gradually managed to get the screw turning having extended his leaver. ‘Give me a leaver and a fulcrum and I’ll move the world‘ Frank was winning. The process was repeated three more times, sparks flying around the back garden. Then the bracket was free of all the now redundant screws. Time to hand it to the preparation department. Time for a well earned cuppa in the warm. THANK YOU FRANK!!!

A few days later the rust was scraped off with a wallpaper scraper, the really good scraper having been left on the boat. Then the attachment of doom was attached to a drill and used to remove as much rust and paint as was possible. This took some time and a revisit the following day. Areas of shiny bright metal, next to pitted brown areas, next to areas the attachment of doom couldn’t reach no matter what.

One of my Mum’s old catering trays was covered with a layer of thick plastic. A liberal coat of Fertan was applied all over, then every other hour I would give the whole bracket a misting of water. It was left overnight.

The following day I washed the fertan off, black areas now next to the bright steel. The hard to reach parts were given a vague sanding, my sanding block only just fitting in the gap.

Once it was all dry I then opened a tin of One Up. This is a primer/undercoat. One layer went on quite well, it would certainly require more than one coat. When removing the failed paint I had noticed under the blue there had been a layer of white, undercoat or primer, but the layers of paint very very thin, where they still existed. Hopefully my attempt to paint this will last us until the repaint when a pro can do a much better job.

Left in the utility room to dry off a second coat was applied before breakfast the following day. A little sand where things looked a bit too painty then a third coat. A day or two sat under the boiler before the tin of blue paint was stirred up. Screw holes and access holes first then a full coat. Second coat the following day. Ooh all shiny now!

With a visit to Oleanna in a few days time, Mick used a tap to clean out the screw holes. Horn brackets were attached where the previous ones had been, no need for new holes thankfully.

I returned from a walk to see the two horns sat proud on top of the bracket. But was the none negotiable smile there? One horn seemed to be sitting a little bit differently, did something need adjusting or was I just being a seriously picky Theatre Designer? Had the old horns been slightly off before? Most probably as the brackets had been fixed in the same place. Could one bracket be bent slightly to line them up better? This was tried, but the end result not noticeable, I was being too picky.

The new tunnel light has a smaller profile then the previous one. Hopefully the chrome will last longer.

With lights and horns attached we discussed Oleanna’s smile. Previously both horns, as I’ve mentioned were 12 volt, they needed a cable between the two of them which created her smile. These new horns are both 24 volt, so they don’t need connecting in the same way. But they do need connecting to return Oleanna’s smile, remember it’s none negotiable.

This will get done when the main bracket is back on the cratch, all cables that supply power have been attached, then we can give her an even better smile then she had before. But for now we’ll have to make do with Mick’s cheesy grin reflecting back at us.